I’d like to talk a little about confidence and, in an indirect way, positivity.
An odd subject for a blog I hear you cry, however when you consider how confidence in some aspects of life can impact on those other aspects, it becomes a very relevant subject.
I’ve had a few knocks lately. I lost my job due to financial cuts in the police force, and was redeployed into another role which I am qualified for but not content doing. My husband was made redundant last year which has resulted in money worries, finding him a job etc, and then I lost my granddad, all of which has impacted on me as a person.
I then applied for a couple of jobs I was sure I wanted at the time, however I realised after the interviews that I though I had provided the expected answers, I had not pushed myself forward and put myself above the crowd. As a consequence of this I failed to get either of the jobs I went for.
In the past, I have always been very confident when it came to pushing myself forward, and have prided myself on very rarely being turned down for a job I wanted.
So this feeling was a strange one.
I found myself starting to doubt whether I had the skills, or the knowledge to do the jobs, and I didn’t like this feeling. So how does one turn around these little knocks, when confident is waning and something comes up that you really want? Such as a job advertisement in the very department in which I had to leave not so long ago?
I think it becomes a lesson in itself. We all have times when we don’t feel worthy, or we lack in the skills to push ourselves forward. I am a big believer in fate, Que Sera Sera and all that, and I do believe that not getting these jobs is how it is meant to be. Probably because I am destined to rejoin my old department, in the job I want, am trained for and have both the skills and experience to do.
This realisation actually hit home today – I had lunch with one of my good friends, and this friend believes in me and everything I do firmly and without reservation. It made me think that if she believes in me, as do my friends and family, what kind of person would I be not to believe in myself? If I don’t believe in me, then I am essentially letting everyone down. And that person, that just is not me.
So I sat down to write this blog, and have already pulled out all my old interview stuff relating to the role, gone over with the same friend various scenarios and questions, and am starting to think that this job is going to be mine. And if for some reason I don’t get it, it will not be because I didn’t push myself forward enough this time.
Sometimes we all need a push to make us realise that our confidence is something we can deal with. I am all for knowing your limits, but I also understand that sometimes our limits have to be pushed, and it’s our friends and family who aid us in giving ourselves that push forward when we don’t even realise we need it.
In conclusion, just think a little more positive about one thing today, yes it rained – again, but the plants and flowers needed the drink after the dry spell, and we had some sunny spells. Yes I’ve had some confidence knocks lately, and was feeling pretty low about it all, but sometimes a small positive such as lunch with a friend, can help you realise that it’s you who controls your confidence.