Time, loss and hope…



It’s hard to believe that it’s been 6 weeks since my last blog post. Where does the time go? Also hard to believe we are now closer to christmas than the new year (eek scary thought!!)

It’s been a tumultuous few weeks if I’m entirely honest – a few weeks that has been rather testing emotionally and has resulted in my writing having to take second place to life in general. There’s been so much going on I actually don’t know where to start.

You may remember me mentioning myself and my husband going to a surprise wedding in April, and mentioning that his Grandads new wife had terminal cancer. This has resulted in a couple of impromptu visits to Scotland to help out and make sure they were both ok. It takes about 7 hours to get there from our house so essentially a full days drive there and back which is very tiring in itself. Unfortunately Frances passed away earlier this week – only a week after our last visit. It was a blessing really, she had been in so much pain last time that I think it’s good she went so quickly, for her anyway. I know pete’s grandad will miss her terribly, as will her friends up there.

He’s coping though, and I’m sure it will get easier with time.

As well as that there’s been a few other things going on: the deficiency I mentioned is still making me tired so it’ll be back to the docs for me this week. My brother has been in hospital but is now thankfully on the mend. My poor mum has been diagnosed with a hernia so may well have to have surgery! And that’s just for starters lol.

Unfortunately all of this going on has meant my writing had suffered – when the mind is numb creativity takes the time to pause. And pausing when you need to is a good thing. It’s back to the drawing board now though, starting with a short story entry for the Bloody Scotland competition – the theme is escape, and it just so happened that I’d been wanting to write a little of Cass’s backstory anyway. So I based the story around her struggle to escape domestic violence – it acts as a kind of prequel to my first novel which ties in nicely. It needs a little final edit, then will be submitted along with my entry for the Moth Publishing comp.

Since my last blog, I’ve managed to fit in some writing days and also some socialising with writerly friends, as well as having a lovely visit from a good friend who I hadn’t seen for 6 years! Time had passed so quickly it was hard to believe it had been so long, but we all settled back into chatting as though we had never been apart!! The wonderful Marilisa has also asked to read my first novel which I have gladly forwarded on. It’s lovely when you realise how amazing friends are despite not seeing them every week, month or even year!

Now that things are starting to settle down again, I’ve realised I’m holding a lot of hope. Hope that the bad times are behind me once more, hope that novel 3 is nearing the finish line, and hope that I can start researching for novel 4 shortly. Hope that I never lose my wonderful friends and that we follow each other through life with the ease we have always felt, and hope that the future will bring amazingly great things for me and my family. I’m so very grateful for all the things in my life, even the things that try me and test my emotions, for I know that they do make me stronger, albeit eventually.

It’s been quite difficult remaining positive in recent weeks – all the above mentioned things, more not mentioned, and  i’ve had really bad bouts of PMS (yes, it is real and can be quite horrific, which for me has been very trying over the last few months), and there have been moments I’ve truly believed it wasn’t PMS and it was my depression coming back. There have been some days where I’ve had to claw my way out of the darkness kicking and screaming, and days where all I’ve wanted to do was stay in bed and ignore everything. I’m proud of myself for not doing this, and for still doing my best to see the good in every day, as hard as it was.

Anyway, hopefully this will see my blog frequency returning to normal, my writing time settling back down and soon the two words every writer loves best when writing a novel. Next month is Harrogate Crime Festival which I am hugely excited about. The panels are fab this year, with everyone from the lovely Ann Cleeves to JK Rowling! Not to mention the company of the fab Eileen Wharton, and the prospect of meeting so many new and old friends. It’ll be nice just to have a break also of course!

A little thank you to those who have listened to me vent lately, Claire, Vicky, Ange, my mum and of course my ever patient hubby Pete. You’re all amazing and I cherish having each and every one of my friends and family. Thank you to all my lovely readers/followers also – you all make it so easy to find something to say. 🙂 take care folks, and as always, keep smiling.