Spring, anxiety and writing …

It’s been a bit of a higgledy piggledy few weeks – unfortunately lots of procrastinating on my part but also getting a fair bit done. Not that that makes a whole lot of sense but it’s true!

I’ve been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster which doesn’t help creative juices. Hubby is still off poorly though is getting better and will hopefully be back to work in the next week or so. Consequently him being off means he’s always at home, which puts my routine all to pot. Normally I’m very much a routine person (though spontaneous when it comes to going out as opposed to staying in), and I find that I work well when I am in routine. I make the time to do the boring stuff like housework and ironing whilst finding time to do my writing. When hubby’s off though, it’s almost like I feel the need to spend all my spare time either with him or out of the house – there’s no happy medium for getting things done!

Yesterday however, I pushed all that to one side and cracked on regardless. I’ve been in my current employment for about 9 months now, and they’ve never sampled my baking. Baking is one of those things I shouldn’t do (as obviously you eat what you bake) but I love doing. It calms me down mixing cakes and what not and I get to put my music on and lose myself in the dulcet tones of the singers I enjoy. At the minute, I’m very into my country, so the likes of Luke Bryan and Keith Urban filled the kitchen yesterday and mingled well with the multitude of cake smells. Work are being spoilt tonight (I’m on nightshift).

I’ve found myself over analysing a lot of late – something I know we all do very well! With hubby not being too good, I’m obviously worrying about him, and then my brother has stuff going on which means my poor mum is stressed to the point she can barely function, so I worry about her too. She needs to slow down and take check sometimes, but she doesn’t (pot, kettle me thinks). Anxiety is strange thing, it’s not something that I think a great deal about as I’m of the belief that life doesn’t throw us more than we can handle (for the most part anyway), and as hard as has been at times, I’ve always got back up. The same can be said for the majority of us, we are pretty hardy folk after all. I try not to worry about the things I can’t control, and focus on what I can control and what I can do. Thinking like this has been instrumental in me getting past my depression, and I heard from a good friend today who has been believing in herself more that good things have come to her too, and she feels like it’s helping her manage her anxiety (she suffers badly with it, same as hubby). I’m over the moon that it works for her too, I believe it, which I know a lot of my friends do, but it makes me very happy to see it working for those closest to me.

As a result of how I’ve been feeling, I’ve been reluctant to write a whole lot lately. When I’ve been at writing days or networking events it’s been fab and I’ve found my focus pretty quick and plenty has been done, but in my normal day to day life, it’s been hard to find focus with everything else going on around me. This must happen to all writers. I have been consciously avoiding writing, I suppose in case I transfer some of my feelings into my work. Writing emotionally is therapeutic, but there’s a difference in writing when something bothers you, and writing a scene that should bother other people. It’s a fine line between knowing when your emotions will influence your writing, and understanding when it wouldn’t be a good thing. That’s not to say I haven’t been thinking about my writing – Marlo and Ali enter my head multiple times during the day, and I’m still jotting ideas in my ever faithful Moleskine. I did decide this morning would be different though.

I’ll be going back to bed later, but right now, at this moment, I have a couple of hours where the house is quiet but for the birds singing outside. I could find something to do (there’s always something to do!) but I’m not going to. The minute I finish this blog, I’m making a coffee on my new machine (which I love!) and I’m going to crack on with some writing. Even if I only write a little, I’ll be happy in the knowledge that I’ve done it. Besides Marlo’s story is an interesting one, I need to find out what’s going to happen!

Hope you all have a fantastic week, and I’ll catch you all up on this weeks writing soon. Keep smiling folks 🙂

NB: Just realised I didn’t mention the spring aspect in my title! Needless to say it’s officially here. The clocks jolted forward with a bang (which was nice cos I was on nights so worked an hour less) and life, as usual, continued without event. Loving the beautiful colours of the flowers bursting into bloom – I’ve got purple pansies, mini daffodils, crocuses and snowdrops either in pots or the ground around my house. The birds are busy getting their babies snug and people everywhere are starting to mow the lawns. It’s like the world is waking up again 🙂 As you may gather I love spring, I also love winter and autumn for those who don’t know! We live in a beautiful, wonderful world. Embrace the nature next time you’re out and about, and let it help you smile 🙂