Delays, Weight and Smiles …

Firstly I want to apologise to all my lovely followers for being lax on writing my blog for a couple of weeks – I’m not going to make any excuses for the delay, I was busy and life got in the way. There’s been a few things going on I’ll discuss below.

One of the things that has increased my time output when even I didn’t realise I had time to spare is joining the gym – ‘Shock Horror’ I hear you cry. For those who know me, yes really a gym, a proper one with machines and everything, and for those who are still getting to know me through my posts on this site, and perhaps via facebook and twitter, this is a big deal. I’m going to touch on a somewhat sensitive subject area now and I know you’ll all support me and understand where I’m coming from.

In case you hadn’t noticed from the few pictures of myself, I am overweight, I believe the medical term is actually Morbidly Obese (they love making things sound pleasant don’t they). I’m one of those stereotypical women who comfort eat when they’re down, yo-yo diets, and uses food as emotional support at times when I shouldn’t. I am aware of some of the influencing factors as to why I do this, but that doesn’t stop the fact that I do. The other thing that affected my weight occurred around 10 years ago when I used to attend a martial arts class and dislocated my patella twice in quick succession. Over the years this has happened many times and despite physio the knee remains weak, so this has always meant I’ve never had the guts to go to the gym for fear of further injury.

The final side of this all of course comes down to self-image and self-confidence. I’ve always been completely open about my depression – it’s nothing to be ashamed of after all, and the same is said for all mental disorders. I can’t say the same however about my weight, my size or how I look. You often hear the term Big is Beautiful, but there’s not a lot of big girls who truly feel beautiful. Weight influences so many things in life; it influences where we can shop for clothes, where I live there are probably 3-4 shops that sell sizes for the larger lady, and these are often not budget minded. It influences how we are perceived by others – for the most part I eat healthily, meals are home cooked and I love fruit and vegetables, the unhealthy part for me is the snacking, but to look at me most people would just think I ate cakes and pasties constantly. It influences things like fertility which for me has been an issue for several years. And perhaps most importantly it influences self-confidence.

Anyone who has ever met me or reads my blogs will realise that I am outgoing, bubbly and confident – but am I really? Actually yes, I am, but I do have body image issues. All of these influencing factors have put me off joining the gym for a long time, I was afraid I’d be the biggest person there, afraid I’d be judged on my level of UN-fitness, afraid I’d injure my knee, afraid I’d feel self-conscious …., seriously I could go on. But with the help of my good friend Claire, the support of my husband and friends/family in general, I have finally bitten the bullet and joined up. Now we’re all one for a good deal, and no joining fee, one month free and getting paid £45 to lose 10kg in 12 weeks was a definite good deal, as well as an incentive to make sure I do it! And believe me I am – so far I’ve been three times and am going later today.

I’d like to say this new determination has stemmed solely from a want to get fit and lose weight, but honestly, a lot of it is to do with positivity. At the start of the year, I promised myself that I would be more positive, and believe in things that were meant to happen – this has worked well all year with many opportunities being dropped in my lap because I’ve put the belief out there that they would. I was determined that my writing would go well, I’d finish and edit my first novel and write my second novel, and since the second is only 20k words from completion I’d say this has been a success. It helped me visualise jobs, manage my finances and generally be more organised with my time in order to fit it all in. Joining the gym takes up time, and in my already busy life I guess I wondered whether I’d actually be able to do it. But so far I have, and my writing hasn’t been impacted, and I’m determined that it won’t.

The last two weeks have been largely about the writing to be honest. I finished the insert scenes I needed, got through the murder of poor Clarice, and have brought the characters even further to life by providing them with challenges, seeing them overcome these challenges and progress the investigations that are ongoing. There’s still some twists to come too, and I’m unbelievably happy at how easily this novel is progressing. I haven’t had writers block, I’ve never lost inspiration, and I’ve been enthralled in the characters from day 1. This has helped make this novel much easier than the last one to write. I love With Deadly Intent, and Cass and Alex, but there’s something about Ben and Jacob that tug at my heart. And by them doing this, it makes me all the more certain they’ll do the same for you when you all get to read it.

On the agency front, I’ve submitted to several more agents and am still awaiting for responses. The original agent hadn’t received my submission so they very nicely allowed me to submit again by email. Should hopefully be hearing something back, even if it’s a no, in the next couple of weeks.

Today has been a busy day, with the help of my mum I’ve pulled 8 massive carrier bags of victoria plums off the tree which has now also been pruned to within an inch of it’s life, washing is done and on line, oven has been cleaned (good old Mr Muscle) and I’m on doing the normal housy things. I try and get all that stuff done in one day, then once it’s finished I can stand back, smile, and think ‘I did that’ in that satisfactory way that these things happen. By getting it all done today it also means that the rest of the evening (while hubby is on the computer) is for a visit to the gym followed by writing. And tomorrow, when I have another hard earned day off, I will be …. you guessed it, writing!

I think I’ve bent you’re ears (or should that be eyes) for quite long enough – thank you all for reading. I’ll keep you all updated on the whole gym and losing weight thing, and as always, just keep smiling. A smile just brightens up the day 🙂